A must know tip to get your ex boyfriend back
I had a fight with my neighbor this morning. We don’t normally fight, but we are all only human right? Fights happen, it is a part of life and it sure is a part of love.
Most breakups happen in the heat of the moment. In an argument, tempers flare, words are flung and someone ends up walking out the door. But did you know it is often possible, depending on your situation, to actually get your ex boyfriend back with one simple move? Most women either don’t do this at all or they get it completely wrong!
Let me first tell you a little story about Sally (name changed) whom sent me an email about a year back.
Sally came to me asking for advice; her long term boyfriend had just cheated on her. When she confronted him they argued and fought until her boyfriend packed a bag and left.
Despite being angry and hurt herself Sally still loved her boyfriend and wanted him back. After chatting a little more to Sally to try and help her with her relationship it became apparent that she had played a role in the relationship ending too. Sally had been working overtime in a new job and had been neglecting her boyfriend for some months.
I could see the rift caused in the relationship and since Sally wanted to patch things up I told her a secret. Even though her boyfriend was the one that cheated she could accept the responsibility for the rift in the relationship. She could apologize for her part in the relationship falling apart.
You want to know the simple secret that most women don’t use to get their ex boyfriends back? It’s an effective apology.
Stop for a second and ask yourself “What is an apology to you”? If you ask most people they will tell you that it is an admission that you were wrong. Sounds about right, right? Well according to the oxford dictionary it is right; it explains that an Apology is an EXCUSE or a JUSTIFICATION for an act! The problem with this is that we tend to explain our apology with an excuse rather than taking responsibility.
“I’m sorry Bill, BUT…”
“Sorry baby, BUT I…”
If you want to heal your broken relationship and get back with your ex boyfriend then you will need to apologize in a way that ACCEPTS responsibility for your part in the breakup and issues.
When people argue they usually focus on who is right or who is wrong! Instead you should structure your apology on these 4 points:
- The “Why”
- Let them know how you are affected
- Apologize with no expectations
1) Acknowledge your partners feelings! Put yourself in their shoes, identify with them by exploring how they feel eg:
Bob (fake name) cheated on Sally because she was always busy with work and this lead to the breakup…Sally might start her apology by saying something like
“You must have felt very alone and unloved…”
2)The why! When apologizing, people want to know the reasons behind your behavior. If we continue with Bob and Sally’s example, Sally may go on to explain why she was so busy:
“I got so caught up with my promotion at work and I wanted to help as much as I could with the bills. I put my work life ahead of my family life and left you to fend for yourself.”
3)Let them know how your own actions (that you are taking responsibility for) have also affected you. Sally may go on to say something like this:
“I feel so terrible at the moment, I feel so guilty about leaving you on your own. I’m lonely. Not only have I lost my best friend but I have also lost the love of my life.”
4) Finally, apologize with no expectations of anything in return. This is the most powerful step and can set your relationship back in course. The trick is to not expect anything in return from your apology. For example, Sally might finish her apology with:
“Bob, I love you and I know there is nothing I can say to make up for the loneliness and neglect I caused you. Whilst I really wish one day you will forgive me, I don’t expect it. I’m so sorry”
You know what? Sally emailed me back a month later and told me she was back with her boyfriend! Her apology helped wipe the slate clean and allowed them to rekindle their love. An effective apology is an honest and open apology. Take a walk in your partner’s shoes if you can! Address their feelings when you make your apology, even if you assume slightly wrong it’s pretty hard for him to get mad at you for exploring how he feels! Do you want to learn more secret psychological tricks to get back your ex boyfriend? Find out how YOU can get him begging for YOU back!